mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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