3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
