I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
