her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
