Christians are straight up FREAKS
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
