you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize