Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
