What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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