Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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