It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
