Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
