I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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