you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
well you can't waste a boner
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You were trust falling into bushes
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
