Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
