I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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