Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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