My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
