I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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