I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
These tits shall not be calmed
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
