5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
