big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
