im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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