i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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