Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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