There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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