this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
