I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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