He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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