similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
