Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
