Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
