Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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