glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
