I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
