Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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