my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
