i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
