I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude i'm inner monologue high
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
