can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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