Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
