i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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