I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
