Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
COCAINE IS GR8
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
