This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
