is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
