like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize