i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You can't motorboat a personality
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
