idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
nutella sex= disaster
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
