What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
