: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
