is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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