dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
handjob tips. give me some.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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