he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize