im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
