we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
