Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
