woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
