my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the condom got lost in my hair
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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