fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
