I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
