Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize