Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
