He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize