So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
