I want to make a zoo with you.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
