I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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