once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize