It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
