I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
